Paradise Lost

PARADISE

The rainy season had finished just in time for my Sister and her two mates arriving.I got them booked into the hostel in Medellin for a few nights before we flew to Cartagena. The first night they were all a bit tired after the journey,so we had a couple of beers and went for a pizza.This was there introduction to Colombian food.I am not a fan of the Colombian cuisine so pizza and hamburgers where my suggestion most days.I was supposed to book us on the Pablo Escobar tour for the next day but it slipped my mind and it was fully booked.I decided to give them my own tour.I arrived at the hostel to meet them the next morning and we walked the ten minutes back to my apartment to show them where I lived.Medellin is not a good city for sight seeing.In fact there is nothing to see really.A few statues here and there and that's about it.The buildings aren't that nice and the city centre is the most dangerous part of town.Why do I and so many other people like it ? The weather is great all year, the people are friendly and its got good nightlife. I ain't interested in what buildings they have or art gallery's.Not that I don't appreciate a bit of culture its just not top of my list when choosing where to live.We get the bus from my apartment to the city centre, or centro as they say.We could of got a taxi but I think you get a better feel for somewhere when you walk or use public transport.It was a red hot day and the girls looked surprised when I turned up in jeans and trainers.This was the kind of weather that would have made front page of the newspapers in the UK and everyone wearing shorts and flip flops.I explained that no one wears shorts or flip flops in Medellin except gringos who are passing thru.I am not trying to pretend I am a local but I wear jeans and trainers everyday to work no matter how hot it is. I am not a fan of shorts anyway, especially with my horrible legs.Colombians believe that shorts and flip flops are for the beach only.They think its funny when gringos wear shorts and flip flops around the city.The way we think its funny they have mullet haircuts.Its just a culture thing.I am used to getting stared at when I am going about my business, some people make it obvious others a bit more discreet.Even I was surprised at how much my Sister and her friends were getting stared at.They have blonde hair which no one has here and they were dressed in shorts and summer clothes.The girls here all wear jeans and sandals aswell, so a combination of blonde hair and gringo clothes was the reason the stareometor was very high.Centro is a poor area really, its full of people and it can be very dangerous at night.We were there during the day but I still felt it was better I held on to the girls camera as we walked about.We took a few photos ,walked about and then I decided we should head over to Poblado on the metro for some Lunch.This is the rich part of town and everyone looked more relaxed over here.We had a few drinks and lunch and then we headed back to the hostel.That night we had a few drinks at the hostel and there was a few drinking games going on.I left them at the hostel and headed home as I am getting to old for it.After I left they went out with other people from the hostel and got home at 6am.Where had they gone I enquired ? They told me the name of the club but I hadn't heard of it.I found out later the club was in another town outside Medellin.No wonder I had never heard of it.Straight in at the deep end,at least they were alive.The plan to take the metro cable to the nature park at the top of Medellin was cancelled.Lunch was a better option.We flew to Cartagena on the Monday morning and this was new territory for me.There was no point asking me for advice,this was like arriving in another country.We got the taxi from the airport and the first thing I saw was a black woman carrying fruit on her head.You don't get that in Medellin I thought.I noticed there was no meter in the taxi and I knew this was gonna be haggle city.One thing I can say about Medellin is the taxi drivers are sound,they go the quickest way and they always put the meter on.These ratbags didn't even have meters.There wasn't much sun when we arrived but it was hot.I had booked us into a hostel but I didn't check our room had air con.Big mistake.Air con is essential on the coast.I soon realised this and we decided to move rooms the next day.The heat is draining.The Medellin people call the people on the coast ,Costinas, and they all say that Costinas are lazy bastards.Now I know why.I couldn't work in this heat.Every where you walk around Cartagena there are just people sitting around watching the world go by.I have to say its the hottest place I have ever been to.A few people told me that the temp reached 40 some days and I could believe it.We befriended a few people at the hostel and decided to take the 40 minute boat ride to a beach called Playa Blanca and spend the night there with them.We left it a bit late for the official boats so after much haggling we finally got some dodgy looking geezers to take us.These guys could have passed for Somali pirates and at one point before we left the shore I was starting to think things were gonna take a turn for the worse.Boats aren't my favourite and I made sure I was at the front of this speed boat as we headed over to Playa Blanca.This beach is beautiful,white sands ,crystal clear water and nothing there.We stayed the night and the only place to sleep is in hammocks.At 7000 pesos each it was cheap as chips and I slept well.We headed back to Cartagena with the Somali pirates the next day.Cartagena is a beautiful old colonial city with lovely buildings but its a tourist trap also.I didn't get hassled as much as I had expected but there was always someone ready to offer you something.None of the taxi drivers seemed to know where any street was,which was surprising as its so touristy.One driver didn't have a clue where he was going, he stopped and asked about 5 people where to go, then he tried to charge us some ridiculous price he had just plucked from thin air.I told him where to go and he just smiled and halved the fare.Next up was the mud volcano.This is what it says on the tin.A volcano made from mud.Hot slimy mud that you float in.We got the day trip to the volcano which included lunch.You climb to the top of the volcano then you get in it.There are a few locals that are in there giving you a massage if you want.When you get out you have to go to the lake and wash the mud off.There are some local women,very old women ,who wash you down in the lake and you have to pay them 3000 pesos (£1).I walk in to the lake covered in mud, and this very old black woman approaches me.She looks like she is getting on for a 100 years old.Her teeth are yellow, all 4 of them.Her face has more lines than British Rail. She tells me to sit down and starts to wash me.I was hoping for some young attractive lady but there was no chance as each was older than the other.The next thing I know she is whipping my shorts of and trying to clean around my privates.Wooaahh there, this is not on the brochure.I tell her to back off and she flashes me her winning smile.I wash myself off and get my shorts back on.We head to Santa Marta which is 5 hours from Cartagena by bus.The poverty strikes me as quite bad as we pass thru the countryside and small towns.Now I know why Colombia is still classed 3rd world.I was not impressed by Santa Marta as a city.Some of the Colombians I spoke to loved it.It was there favourite city in Colombia.It was a mish mash of old and new buildings and I couldn't get my head round it.The next stop was Parque Tayrona, this was a jungle you had to walk thru to get to a beach.I didn't realise at the time that the walk was about 2 hours.We had the option of hiring some horses for the trek.I am not too comfortable around horses but halfway thru the trek I was starting to wish I had a horse.The beach at the end of the trek was magnificent.You can spend the night there at the campsite but we were pushed for time and spent the day there in the sun.Taganga was another place we visited.Everything I heard and read about Taganga was positive.In fact lonely planet called it gringo paradise.Forget lonely planet, this is Moanly Planet.If you look up paradise in the dictionary it says , an ideal or idyllic place or state.When you mention the word paradise it conjures up images of white sands, blue sea and tropical beach bars etc etc.This was a small shit beach with a manky old fishing village.Maybe I am missing something but this is no Gringo paradise, unless your from Canvey Island then it may well be paradise.We all had a laugh about it as we walked around in paradise.The heat was starting to wear me out a bit and I had had enough as the trip came to an end.We headed back for another night in Cartagena before we all caught our flights back home to Medellin and London.Colombia is like three different countries in one, Bogota, Medellin and Cartagena are all totally different places.You walk down any high street in the UK and they all look the same.In Colombia each city has its own style and culture.As I flew back to Medellin my thoughts turned to work.The work had dried up for me and my visa is running out in 6 weeks.I needed to find more work and sort out my visa.I need something to happen or make a decision soon...
In the words of Laurie Anderson " Paradise is exactly like where you are now........only much better "