Colombia Rules

We all need rules.Whether we like them or not we need them.We have rules at school,rules at work,rules on the road.If we didn't have them it would be chaos.Sometimes we make our own rules.I don't mean having chicken kiev every Thursday.That's a habit.I mean rules.I have two rules that I have always stuck by.No matter where I am in the world.No matter who I am with.I have followed these rules.To be fair to the person who told me these rules, they have stood the test of time.Until now that is.I am of course referring to the 2 rules of dancing.When I heard these rules for the first time they made sense.Now it all seems confusing again.I broke both rules within 3 days of arriving in Bogota.A German guy turns up at the hostel.He is in Bogota for 4 days before he heads home to Germany after a 9 week tour of Colombia.If you looked up German in the dictionary you would expect to see a picture of him.Blond hair blue eyes.We get chatting and he is a good fella.He is meeting two Colombians guys he met travelling, over in Zona T, and do I wanna join them for a few drinks.Yes is the answer.I haven't had a beer since I got here and I don't know anyone so its a good chance to meet some locals .We meet at a small cafe/bar.The two guys have brought two girls with them and another guy.Everyone is friendly and we introduce ourselves.They have just ordered some food so me and the German order some to.The two guys can speak some English but the others not a word.We finish up and one of the Colombian says we are going to a bar nearby.After a few minutes we are in the heart of the action.The music is blaring from the bars and lots of people are outside in the street drinking.It looks good.We get to the bar and we have to pay 5000 pesos to get in.I walk in and the music is loud and its salsa.The dance floor is busy.We head to the bar.They decide to all chip in on a bottle of rum for 50,000 pesos, about £16.I decline the rum and say I am happy to drink beer.This could be a long night and drinking rum from the start could be dangerous.One of the Colombian guys starts to pour the drinks while the two guys and girls hit the dance floor and begin to salsa.They were good.Really good.In fact everyone was really good and it was amazing to watch.It wasn't just salsa they were getting pretty close to each other.There was some bumping and grinding going down on the dance floor.They return to the bar take a drink and then get back out there.This time they swap partners.Again they are doing salsa and theres some more bumping and grinding going down.I ask the German if the girls are there girlfriends.No he says they are just some friends they met but this is how they dance in Colombia.He tells me that girls and guys in Colombia always dance like this even if they are not partners.Its normal.This surprises me.If this was back home there would be men fighting every 5 minutes.I scan the dance floor and everyone is dancing with a partner.I finish my first beer and order another one.The couples come back to the bar for a drink and a quick break.And that's when it happened.That's when I broke the first rule of dancing.

RULE NUMBER 1. Never dance sober

The Colombian girl took my hand and spoke to me in Spanish.I didn't understand.I looked at the two Colombian guys standing next to me.She wants to dance with you they said.I laugh nervously,is this some kind of sick joke.They smile at me and wave me on to the dance floor.I notice the German is up there with the other girl.No No its OK I say meekly.The girl is looking at me confused.I look at the guys and they are also confused.Shit.No way out of this one.I walk to the dance floor stone cold sober.This is torture.I could maybe get away with this if it was some cheesy 80s crap but this is salsa.That's when it happened.That's when I broke the second rule of dancing.

RULE NUMBER 2. Always dance like theres nobody watching.

I felt like the whole bar was watching me.I felt like Kevin the teenager.I didn't know where to put my hands.My feet were like concrete.It felt like an hour as I stumbled about.Making up salsa moves as I went along.The girl was polite but I didnt know the first thing about salsa.
Finally it was over and I could get to the sanctuary of the bar.They play by different rules over here and I need to learn some salsa fast.The drinks flowed and the night was good.I even managed another go on the dance floor,this time with a few extra beers to loosen up the feet.
In the words of Katherine Hepburn " If I followed all the rules , I would have missed all the fun "